


Holding On To You

by SCFox



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-18
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 15:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3386801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SCFox/pseuds/SCFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leliana receives a worrying message and sets off on a potentially dangerous mission, taking Estelle Trevelyan with her for moral support.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Testing the water with this one. Trying to focus on Leliana and hoping to get the characterisation right. Comments always appreciated, I hope you like it :).

Things had settled into a routine at Val Royeaux. The summer and it’s better weather hugely increased productivity and rose the spirits of all that worked there. Even Cassandra, still uncomfortable about being The Divine, found it easier to cope after spending time in sunshine and fresh air. It was late afternoon and she, Estelle and Leliana had escaped the Cathedral for a while, and gone out of the city a way, to a quiet lakeside near a small wood. All of them were in cooler clothes made of fabrics lighter than their usual wool, leather and metal that came from almost always being in armour. It was a delicious change and they all appreciated the chance to relax for a while. Even Leliana had relieved herself of her trademark hood. She was letting a soggy Estelle, who earlier had decided to go for a swim, rebraid her hair, not minding at all that the girl’s own occasionally dripped cold water on to her back and arms.

“The pair of you almost look like sisters,” Cassandra commented, taking a drink from her tumbler. 

“Well, one of us technically is,” grinned Estelle, resting her hands on Leliana’s shoulders.  
“Very funny,” Cassandra rolled her eyes. “I mean, it’s nice to see you being you for a change, instead of all armoured up and on guard.”  
“But we are your guards,” Leliana smiled, “It’s what we do. I know what you mean though. It’s good to get away from stone and parchment for a while.”  
“And stuffy clerks,” Estelle pulled a face, “You could practically see the tension floating off you when we got here.”  
“Hopefully it’ll stay somewhere in the sky and not bother me,” responded Cassandra with a shake of her head.

The other two chuckled slightly, and Estelle rummaged in the small wicker basket they had brought with them, grabbing the bottle of wine to fill up her glass and also snaffling a sandwich. She held the bag it was in in her teeth, whilst she offered to top up the others as well. They took every chance they could to escape the grind of daily life and duties for a while, it was the only way they kept going and didn’t get too downtrodden.

“Oh! Cassandra!” said Estelle suddenly, her face lighting up, “I got another letter from Lorelai, she want to know if you want her to bring some designs to you when she visits? I think she wants to make a good impression.”

The woman smiled, “If she’s anything like you, I’m sure she’ll be fine. If she wants to she can though.”  
“I’ll let her know. She’s really excited, and I’m very grateful.”  
“It’s no trouble, I could use some more sanity around me.”  
“You do know she’s Estelle’s sister?” pointed out Leliana, which earned her a swipe from the Trevelyan.  
“Hush you,” Estelle pointedly bit in to her food with defiance.

They passed the entire afternoon and early evening in each other’s company, sometimes chatting, other times doing their own thing, but still happy to just be near each other. It took a fair amount of coaxing, but Estelle eventually persuaded the others to swim too, on account of it being ‘good exercise and great for clearing minds’. It may also have had something to do with her often disappearing and reappearing, making them jump or splashing them, but they didn’t seem to mind too much. When they traipsed back to the Grand Cathedral, still slightly dripping and dishevelled, but calm and relaxed, it amused most of the servants even as some of the clerics rolled their eyes. They’d gotten to know the three women better now, and they secretly appreciated their change of dynamic and energy compared to past leaders of the Chantry. They had managed to keep up the good relations the Inquisition had formed between all parties, from Ferelden to Orlais, even Tevinter and Nevarra. It was largely based on mutual respect and making an effort to listen to each other, something that had been sorely lacking before. It was  making rebuilding Thedas much easier.

 

 


	2. 2

It was around dinner time that the atmosphere changed. The Divine and her Hands were quite contentedly eating in the main hall with everyone else. Even though they often spent their time with the ‘regular’ people and servants, it still came as a surprise to many that they were so down to earth. Merryn was animatedly talking to them about the flour explosion that had happened in the kitchen when they had been out, among other funny little tales, she was often found in their company. Cassandra had asked her if she would like to go into training under the Hands, and gave her the chance to spend a little more time with them before she made up her mind. She was over the moon, and agreed, yet still carried out her usual duties as well, just to prove she could balance both and not leave her friends behind. It was an amiable disposition, and it earned her a lot of respect from both high and low.

“And when we found that damn cat’s paw prints in the larder, the cook finally agreed that Alvise wasn’t the one stealing the cream. He’s been getting extra cake ever since.”

Their conversation was briefly interrupted by a fluttering of wings, as a raven settled on Leliana’s shoulder. She frowned, it wasn’t one of hers, but there was a note attached to it’s leg. She detached it and the bird started preening, although happily accepted the berries that Estelle offered it in thanks, as the Spymaster was busy reading the letter. She scratched it’s head, and both her and Cassandra glanced at each other as they saw Leliana’s expression go through several changes, and none of them positive ones. If they hadn’t known better, they would say the bard looked pale, and rattled.

“Excuse me,” her accent was more strongly Orlesian, which was an obvious sign something was troubling her.  
  
She left so suddenly the raven squawked, shaken from it’s perch, and landed on Estelle’s arm instead. Concerned, her two friends watched her bustle through the crowds of people, almost knocking a few aside, and a little unsteady on her feet. Leliana had left her weapons and cloak on the bench in her hurry to leave, but it was quite obvious that she wasn’t coming back. Cassandra and Estelle looked at each other.  
  
“Should we go after her?” asked Estelle, neatly folding the dagger in the cloak and resting it on her lap.  
“Give her a moment,” suggested Cassandra, “Then that may be a good idea.”  
“I don’t want to intrude…” hesitated the younger woman,  
“And we won’t. If she doesn’t want to see us, we can give her back her belongings and then go.”

Estelle nodded in agreement, and the pair finished off their meals in silence. Merryn took her cue to leave them to it with a smile and a nod, joining her friends on another table. They acquired a paper bag to put the rest of their friend’s food in, should she want it, and then discreetly left in the direction of Leliana, the mysterious raven firmly attached to Estelle’s shoulder.

The pair, plus bird, made their way towards their third party member’s room, gleaning from some of the servants that it was where she had gone. They were both nervous, and didn’t need to say anything for the other to pick up on it. The three of them were very close, and if one of them was hurt, angry, or upset, the other two picked up on it right away. Even so, they hesitated outside her door. Estelle shrunk back, hugging the cloak she was carrying, and Cassandra gently knocked on the door, but there was no answer. She shrugged, then tried again, still nothing. Cassandra tried the door, and it opened. A little warily, the pair stepped inside. They scanned the room, and finally saw Leliana, sitting at her desk, with her head in her hands.

“We knocked…” said Cassandra, a little uncomfortable at the intrusion.  
“I knew the two of you would come in anyway,” sighed Leliana.  
  
Estelle had seen her in this pose before, after receiving a posthumous letter from the previous Divine, and it troubled her no less now. She put the returned belongings on the edge of the bed, and passed the raven over to Cassandra, before heading towards Leliana and perching on the arm of her chair. The woman was staring at the parchment in front of her, and Estelle politely declined to look over her shoulder at it.  
  
“What’s wrong Leliana?” asked Estelle.  
“You ran off in such a hurry we were concerned,” added Cassandra.  
Leliana gave a dry laugh, “Read for yourself,” she motioned to the letter.  
“Are you sure?” hesitated the Trevelyan.  
  
In answer, Leliana grabbed the paper and passed it over to the young noble, motioning for her to read it aloud so Cassandra could hear too. Estelle frowned a moment, the writing wasn’t very clear, before she proceeded.  
  
“ _Sister Leliana_ ,

_I am sorry to disturb you as I know your job keeps you very busy. I would not trouble you, unless I felt it vital to do so._  
 _I am writing to inform you of the status of Warden Commander Kaida Tabris, Hero of Ferelden, Veteran of the Fifth Blight, and of course, your long time partner_.” Estelle stopped for a moment, fearing the worst. Leliana motioned for her to continue.

“ _As you are aware, she has of late been searching for a cure to the taint she is cursed with. Initial findings were promising, and her venture seemed to be leading down the right path._ _Unfortunately, in the last few days, she has shown signs of deterioration. I believe The Calling is haunting her. Though she fights it on all fronts, and keeps repeating her promise to you when she is sleeping, though that happens little these days.  I am extremely concerned about her, and rumours of her illness has unfortunately lead to several attempts on her life, largely by people who want to make a name for themselves, or prove themselves heroes for slaying a potentially dangerous enemy, should she ‘turn’._

_My request is not an easy one, and I don’t know if it will work. But I beg of you, come to her. I believe seeing you will inspire her to keep fighting. She has always found strength in you, and now she needs it more than ever. Your messenger can guide you to our location, and implore you to come as soon as you are able, though I am honestly not sure how long she will hang on._

_I regret being the bearer of such bad news, but hope to hear from you posthaste._

_Your old friend, Shale_.”

Estelle dropped the letter like it was poisonous, and her own eyes were tearing. No wonder Leliana looked so awful. She instinctively reached out and hugged her, and the bard let her. Even Cassandra gingerly patted her shoulder. The other two were completely stumped as to what to do or say. The rest of the day had gone so well, and now they felt hollow and useless.  
  
“Is it…” Cassandra ventured, “Is it...genuine?”  
Leliana’s voice was hard, “If it isn’t, someone must really hate me to use my relationship like this.”  
“Someone _might_ be trying to trap you?”  
“Someone who knows the intimate details of my life, and exactly how to get under my skin? That’s reassuring.” Leliana’s tone was starting to go from stony to angry. “What choices do I have? If I go and it’s a trap, then there’s someone close to me behind it and I’ll probably die. If I stay and it is genuine, I may as well just kill her myself, and I might as well be dead anyway!”

Leliana slammed her fist on the desk, making the others jump, and stood up, sending the chair skittering to the floor, luckily Cassandra grabbed Estelle’s hand to stop her going with it. She kept a protective arm around her as Leliana ragingly paced the room.

“You could try to come up with a plan...to tackle any instance?” suggested Cassandra.  
“And how long will that take?! ‘Posthaste’ it says. ‘ _Posthaste_!’”

“We can help? Just, stop and think a moment…” Cassandra was cut off as Leliana angrily turned on her.  
“Oh that’s alright for you to say Your Holiness. All logic and planning! Just because you’ve never let someone get properly close to you! You’ve never even had to consider a life without somebody you love, and you literally couldn’t live without!”  
Something in Cassandra’s expression made Estelle bristle, “Leliana, that was uncalled for,” she tried to keep her voice even.  
“So you’re taking her side then, are you?! Should’ve known!”  
“Side? What?!” stuttered Estelle, “There aren’t any sides here, we just want to help you.”  
“Well don’t! I’ve been alone for a long time now, I can handle it. Just go!”

Leliana’s voice cracked as she shouted at them, but she turned away, and Cassandra promptly took Estelle’s hand, she hated seeing such a hurt expression on her face. Before she could say anything, Cassandra pulled her away, muttering in her ear.  
  
“She just needs time, come on.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible trigger?: miscarriage

Cassandra and Estelle had retreated to Cassandra’s quarters, Estelle’s were too close to Leliana’s for comfort. They were both reeling from being attacked by their friend, but were glad they had each other. They sat in companionable silence on Cassandra’s bed, both worrying about their third musketeer. There was something deeper going on in The Divine’s head however, and Estelle was quite sure it was to do with Leliana’s accusations. She turned to lean on her side, facing her friend.  
  
“You ok? I know she’s upset, but what she said was cruel, and untrue.”  
“It’s fine. I can understand where she’s coming from,” she hesitated, “Probably more than I would like to.”  
“Cassandra?” there was something in the woman’s tone that told Estelle she was thinking of something significant.  
Cassandra sighed and glanced over at the younger woman’s earnest, worried face. “I suppose it’s about time I told somebody.”  
Estelle was alarmed, “Are you alright? You’re not sick or something?”  
Cassandra chuckled, “No, nothing like that. I appreciate the concern though.”  
“Then, what’s the matter?”  
“What Leliana said...it took me back, quite a way. To when I was much younger. Younger than you even. I had a friend...a mage.”  
Estelle quietly nodded, “Galyan?”  
Cassandra frowned, “Have I already told you?”  
“Um...not, exactly,” admitted Estelle looking down. “Back when we were travelling, whenever we shared a tent. Most nights, I’d wake up, and you were tossing and turning and muttering. Always the same word.”  
“I...did? I don’t remember.”  
Estelle shook her head, “You wouldn’t. I used to talk to you until you calmed down and went back to sleep. You never recalled it in the morning.”  
“Oh. I am...sorry I disturbed you.”  
“No, it was ok, don’t worry.”  
“I suppose that makes it a little easier to explain…”  
  
Cassandra stared up at the canopy as she began to reveal her story, from when she had first been a Seeker. Estelle could picture it clearly, a young,  hot-headed Cassandra, causing havoc and getting mixed up in all sorts of mess. Her friend recalled in great detail, a young elf kidnapped by blood mages, the death of her only father figure. Even her own death sentence, and being saved from dragons by the people she hated. Until she fell in love with one. Estelle listened, awestruck. Cassandra had always downplayed her own life and past, and the Trevelyan let her, realising that was how she wanted it. But now, the gaps were being filled in, and she understood her friend, and charge, a lot better.

“What happened?” queried Estelle, though she was reluctant to ask her friend to relive painful memories, she had a sense Cassandra wanted to talk to somebody about them.  
“We were going to step down from our positions, and focus on our lives together, as soon as the Conclave calmed things.”

Realisation sunk into Estelle’s stomach like a lead weight. She had seen the state of the Temple after that. The death and destruction, the tortured, twisted bodies of people caught in a blaze that they had no control over, and she felt seek.

“He was...at the Conclave?”  
Cassandra nodded, “He was to be a spokesperson for the mages. Justinia trusted him, and he’d always been loyal to the Chantry.”  
“Shit.” breathed Estelle, “No wonder you were so angry with me…”  
“Misplaced, I know, but yes. I couldn’t very well break down in front of my prisoner. I was furious. I wanted to know why you, a complete stranger, had been saved, but I had lost the only man I had ever been with, and ever loved.”  
“Uhm, sorry?”  
The Divine smiled slightly, “You really don’t need to apologise. I may have been denied a family in Galyan, but I found another in you, and the others.”  
“Why Cassandra,  you’re gushing.”  
“Indeed. Tell nobody.”

The pair reflected on the story for a little while, wondering what might have happened had everything worked out. Perhaps the world would be at peace. So many people needn’t had died, and they could have gotten on with their lives. There was still that nagging feeling in the back of their minds however. If everything had gone perfectly...they would probably never have met. Neither of them were quite sure how to feel about it. In a perfect situation, everything would have gone well, perhaps Galyan would have gotten on with Estelle, and maybe he would have introduced them. They subconsciously moved a little closer to each other.

“So. You wanted a family, huh? I bet you’d have been a fantastic mother you know, you’ve taken great care of me,” commented Estelle lightly.  
“I’m not so sure. When I found I was still traipsing about in armour and fighting demons…” she stopped, realising what she had just said.  
“Wait, what?” Estelle had suddenly noticed too, “Could you maybe, backtrack a bit?”  
“I...didn’t plan on revealing that.”  
“Do you want me to pretend I didn’t hear?” offered Estelle earnestly.  
“No.”  
  
Cassandra suddenly felt very vulnerable, and rested her head on Estelle’s lap for reassurance. It was one thing to talk about her life before the pair of them had met, but she’d been such a good friend she almost felt guilty for not having already told the truth since then. She knew it wouldn’t be held against her, but talking about things so deeply personal always made Cassandra’s stomach twist somewhat.

“I found out after I’d seen Galyan to the Conclave. I was going to wait until it had finished and we’d set up a home to tell him. Obviously, that didn’t happen.”  
“So...when you were questioning me, and we were at Haven?”  
Cassandra sighed, “Yes. I was pregnant.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve supported you. Also told you off for fighting bears.”  
“I know you would, even before we became friends. I wanted to. But by the time I gained the courage to talk to you, it was already too late.”

“Oh Cassandra, I’m so sorry. For, all of it.”

Unsure of what else to do, Estelle lightly stroked Cassandra’s arm as an attempt at some small comfort. The woman reached up and took her hand. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but her heart was hurting. As ever, her friend picked up on her feelings, and just let her think and be quiet for a while. She would have left her to it if she had wished, but that seemed to be the opposite of what she wanted just then. Estelle tried to push Leliana’s words to Cassandra out of her head, but they made her angry, especially after everything she had just learned. But she was torn, Leliana was hurting just as badly, and lashing out at those closest to you was par for the course. Now Estelle was trapped between two deeply upset friends, and dearly wished she could just take them both back to the sun by the lake. She marvelled at how much they had been through, and counted her blessings. She was the luckiest of them all, and she knew it.

“Ellie?” Cassandra said suddenly,  
“Yes?”  
“Could you do me a favour?”  
“Of course! Name it.”  
“Go and check on Leliana? I’ve hogged you for long enough. I think she could use you right now.”  
“But…”  
“I already feel much better. I promise. You’re a very good listener.”

Estelle had a deep respect for Cassandra’s concern about the woman who had cut her so deeply. But she knew that underneath the tough exterior, Cassandra had a heart of purest gold. She had picked up on it right away, which was one of the reasons she’d tried to hard to get to know her at Haven and Skyhold. She could see the good in people, and she always sought it out. She hugged the Divine goodbye, and promised she would be back later on to check on her. As she left, Cassandra watched her go, eternally grateful she finally had a friend she could completely rely on.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter sort of hurt my heart...apologies.


	4. Chapter 4

What to do next was a dilemma for Estelle. She felt increasingly anxious the closer she got to the floor she shared with Leliana. She knew it was ridiculous, and she had every right to be there, but she still felt like she was intruding. The raven she had temporarily adopted, giving it the name Assan. She fed it every now and then and gave the bird some fuss. But for now it was sleeping on the corner of the bookcase in their small living room. She had deliberately let Leliana know she was around, by calling for some refreshment outside her door, and opening and closing relevant doors, but she knew better than to rush in after the last encounter. Instead she curled up in the room that connected both of theirs, quietly reading a book and drinking tea.

Her tactics worked for after a while, the door quietly opened, and Leliana stood hesitantly on the threshold. She knew Estelle could tell she had been crying, but made no mention of it. Instead, she motioned to the second cup on the table, inviting the bard to help herself.

“Are you going to call me out for what I said to Cassandra?” she asked, her voice still a little croaky.

Estelle looked up at her, and considered for a moment, before shaking her head, “We both know it was out of line, but you’ll apologise in due course. I’m not going to hit you around the head with it when you’re already beating yourself up. Plus, to be quite honest, you look terrible.”

“I feel it. I’m sorry though, for snapping at you.”  
“It’s ok sweetheart. You were distraught.”  
“It’s no excuse for my behaviour. I shouted at the _Divine_. Maker. I’m supposed to be protecting her, not attacking her.”  
“It’s all the excuse you need when you’re among friends, and she may be Divine, but she is still your friend.”

Leliana looked slightly heartened, or enough at least to take the offered seat next to Estelle, who moved her legs out of the way. She had been crying, raging and trying to think in equal measure all evening. She was exhausted, her head was aching something wicked, and her throat felt raw. Her instinct was to damn the consequences and go to Kaida, but she also knew it’s exactly what anyone who had been trying to lure her would expect.

“Dare I ask?” chanced Estelle, seeing that Leliana seemed to be calmer.  
“I have to go, Estelle. I can’t chance it. Not with her, not after everything. But I don’t even know that I’d be able to help, even if it was all legitimate.”  
Estelle nodded, “I understand. I can’t see Cassandra refusing to grant you leave for something so important. I’d do exactly the same if it was Josie in trouble. You will be careful though, won’t you?”

Leliana nodded grimly. She knew she had a dangerous mission on her hands, in more ways than one. The whole thing might be a set up, and if it wasn’t, she was risking her heart yet again, and she wasn’t sure how much more it could stand. It had only recently started healing. She glanced up, beginning to notice how much calmer she felt with her friend beside her. They had had a rocky start, but during the Inquisition, they had become quite close, and serving under Cassandra, she had learned to trust the young woman. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to trust her once more.

She made a decision and turned to Estelle, “Come with me?”

Estelle was startled, this was clearly an intimate part of Leliana’s life, and she felt she had no place in it. “You...want _me_ to come?”  
“Yes. If it is a trap, I need someone I trust to watch my back. If it isn’t...I don’t know what I might be facing, and I’d rather not do it alone, not again.” She looked at the bemused brunette, trying to stave off the pleading in her voice. “I can talk to Cassandra. If I apologise and explain.” She took a breath and swallowed her pride. ”Please?”

The younger woman thought for a moment, and the bard watched her with trepidation. Expecting to be turned down or told she was being ridiculous. But the answer she had been hoping for, was actually the one she got. Which happened very rarely.  

“Alright, if it’s what you really want.” Leliana nodded, “Then I can call in some favours to guard Cassandra. But first you really do need to apologise.” The unsoftened reality twisted Leliana’s stomach, but she was right. She hated to be coddled. “You touched something painful, even if you didn’t realise it. You also have to trust me, ok? I’ll watch your back, you know I will, but if it looks like we could be in serious trouble, we get out.”  
“I promise,” agreed the other woman, and she meant it. Often she played lip service when the need arose. But she couldn’t do that with true friends. She would never forgive herself.  
“I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through Leli, but whatever happens, I won’t let you get yourself hurt, or killed, or worse. I’m going for _you_. Nobody else.”

Leliana understood what she was saying. She was glad she had asked her to come along, however difficult it had been to do so. She knew for a fact she would never be able to think clearly where Kaida was involved. She needed someone to support her, but be direct if required. It was a good thing Estelle wouldn’t be compromised. Kaida, Shale, everyone she used to know, with the exception of one or two, were complete strangers to her young companion. She should have learned by now that the past always caught up with you, in the end. The only part of it she hadn’t tried to escape from was her relationship with the Warden. But now she was scared it was all about to be over. As she thought about assassins coming for her, she felt like she might start sobbing all over again, even though she was quite sure she had no tears left to cry. It was typical, just as she was feeling better, and things seemed looking up, she was dragged back into darkness, kicking and screaming. Estelle glanced up from her book, and closed it.

“Did you want to stay with me again tonight?”

It was not uncommon for the pair to end up talking late in to the night, and both falling asleep in one room or another. Even Cassandra had too on occasion. It was often enough to spark all kinds of rumours around the castle. At any one time, Leliana had heard whispers that Estelle was sleeping with herself, Cassandra and Josephine, a couple of serving girls, a footman and some mysterious elven assassin. When Leliana had warned her, her initial reaction had been anger, but she quite admired how she turned it around, and even made a joke of it. She had told her, she was happy to let people think what they wanted, if it entertained them. She even admitted that felt a little sorry for the gossipers for not having such good friends. Her gracious demeanour had filled even Leliana with more confidence. If anything she had started staying longer more often, because sometimes, you just needed a friend, and Leliana counted her blessings that she had found herself with such a close one, literally and figuratively.

“I don’t think I’ll be doing much sleeping,” she confessed.  
“That’s ok. I can just keep an eye on  you whilst you pace.”  
Leliana allowed herself a slight chuckle, finding herself very glad that the offer was there. “You’re a good friend, Estelle. Thank you for putting up with me.”  
“It’s no problem. The fine print on my job description says ‘PS: Whilst you’re keeping the Divine alive, make sure Leliana doesn’t go off by herself to do something dangerous.’”  
The Left Hand actually laughed then, “Ah, mentions me by name does it?”  
“Yep. It’s right before the ‘sorry for all this crazy shit’ bit.”

Anyone had to admit that life had changed rather a lot in recent years, and Leliana had been there from the beginning. She couldn’t imagine coping as well if it had been her falling out of the Fade, leading an Inquisition, slaying a possessed dragon and a crazy darkspawn magister, as well as serving the Divine, and all before she was thirty. It had been a whirlwind, but she was obviously of the mindset that everything happened for a reason, however bizarre that reason, and however strange the situation. She handled it remarkably well, and Leliana made a mental note to take a leaf out of her book.

“I promised I’d look in on Cassandra before I retired. Do you want to come?”  
The redhead hesitated. She knew she was wrong, but she hated admitting it. She also hated that she’d lashed out at a friend. With a sigh, she nodded. “I suppose I’d be less likely to chicken out with somebody else there.”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

After sitting and gathering themselves for a while, it had grown quite late. The pair of them set off through the quieting Cathedral, and when they reached Cassandra’s quarters, she was already in her nightclothes. Her face lit up when she saw Estelle. She was always happy to see her best friend, and the girl hugged her.  
  
“How are you doing?” Estelle asked, hugging her.  
“Much better, thanks to you,” came the response. “How’s Leliana? Did you talk to her?”  
Estelle gestured behind her, and Leliana shyly appeared around the corner. “She did.”  
  
Cassandra stopped in surprise for a moment, still resting her hands on Estelle’s shoulders. Cassandra and Leliana couldn’t meet each other’s eye for a few minutes, but it was Cassandra who offered peace first.  
  
“Are you alright?”  
Leliana shook her head, “No, not really.”  
Estelle saw an opportune moment, and stepped aside. “I think you two have a lot to talk about,” she smiled, and squeezed Leliana’s hand as she left, “I’ll leave the door open.” She glanced over her shoulder at Cassandra, “Catch up with you in the morning?” Cassandra nodded, and Estelle took her leave.

 She breathed a sigh of relief once she was far enough away from the doors. She made her lone way through the corridors and rooms, wearily traipsing up the stairs towards her room. Her head was buzzing, it had been a difficult few hours caught between her two closest friends, but she was used to suddenly finding herself in the middle of things, even if she didn’t want to be. She must have had a diplomatic look about her, for her default role was usually that of a peace keeper and negotiator. It came in very useful during the Inquisition, and she was glad her talents were not wasted in Val Royeaux. Even if she was bone tired using them.

 In her room, she changed into her nightshirt, and brushed her hair out. She noticed it was getting quite long again and needed cutting, but she also knew Josephine preferred longer hair. The thought of her fiancée inspired her to write a letter. From the corner of her canopy, Assan cocked his head, and Estelle smiled at him.

 “It’s ok. This one’s not for you, you can sleep.”

The bird seemingly understood her, for he closed his eyes and ruffled his feathers once more, leaving the woman to her writing. She wrote until her candle almost burned out. She used the end of the stub to guide herself to bed, and blew it out before settling down. A couple of hours later, she was vaguely aware of her door opening and peered out into the dim light. She shifted over slightly as her companion wandered over. As far as she was concerned, it was no different to sharing a tent. Leliana sat on top of the covers, clearly lost in thought.

 "So, are you two friends again?”  
“Yes. Thank Andraste…” she paused, “Did you know?”  
Estelle shook her head, “Not until today.”  
“The poor woman. I had no idea, and I said such horrible things.”  
“Neither of us had any idea. I mean even _you_ hadn’t found out? Cassandra really is remarkable, isn’t she?”  
“She’s stronger than I ever realised.”   
“And that’s why we need to look out for her,” she paused, “Did she ok everything? Me going with  you, I mean.”  
“She did. Made me promise to bring you back in one piece though.”  
“She’ll make me promise the same,” Estelle grinned, “I can guarantee it.”  
“So, who are these guards you’re leaving in our stead?”  
“Oh, a couple of old friends,” came the vague reply. “I thought that people would be unlikely to cross her, when she has a Tevinter mage and a Qunari watching her back.”  
“Dorian and Bull?” Leliana laughed, “You’re seriously bringing Dorian and Bull to the Grand Cathedral?!”  
“Yes. It make sense, tactically, don’t you think? People will be able to see how far Cassandra’s reach goes, and know that she is by no means isolated.”

Leliana had to admit to being impressed. Estelle had already proven herself a shrewd politician, and she was glad her skills had not waned. She was a very intelligent girl, far more so than she let people believe. Leliana had noticed she was adept at playing the roles people expected from her, and was impressed by her mastery at such a young age. It was no wonder she had bested The Game, and she believed that she would have been a very fine Bard. Although she was incredibly glad she wasn’t, she didn’t like the thought of her Free Marcher friend in such dangerous situations. Which was ridiculous, considering her current occupation, but Leliana was very protective of her none the less.

“You could be the next Empress.”  
Estelle pulled a face, “No thank you. I’d have to wear dresses and learn how to dance properly. I’d only ever do that for Josephine, and only ever for our wedding.”  
“Even so, I wish you’d been around when I was a practising Bard. Things would have probably turned out very differently.”  
“Maybe. But everything that’s happened has got us to where we are,” pointed out Estelle, “So. When is it we’re leaving? Early tomorrow I presume?”  
“Yes. Cassandra wants to see us off and we should probably get things organised…but then as soon as possible.” She stopped and looked at her friend, “I don’t know how long this might take.”  
“It takes as long as it takes, Leliana. I knew that when I agreed to come with you. No way am I leaving you alone after reading that letter.”  
“And I very much appreciate it. More than I can say.”  
“You don’t need to say anything. Let’s just leave tomorrow in tomorrow, ok? Whatever happens, you won’t be facing it alone.”

Estelle smiled and settled down, falling asleep relatively quickly. Leliana took comfort in the other woman’s presence, and knew she would need it even more so in whatever was to come. Thoughts of Kaida, and the last few years hounded her for a while, but edging ever so slightly closer to her sleeping friend helped her turn the noise down, until she too fell asleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

It was an early start the next morning. The sun had barely started rising when Leliana’s stirring and shifting woke Estelle up too. The girl sat up and rubbed her eyes, amazed that her friend was up and doing already, it normally took her a while to come round. But, she supposed, if she was off to rescue Josephine, she’d be the same.

“Is Cassandra coming to us, or are we going to her?” asked the Marcher with a yawn.  
“She’ll come to us. Less fuss then.”  
“It probably is best to make a quiet get away.”  
“When you’re ready, come through to mine, easier if we’re both in the same place.”

Estelle nodded and Leliana left through the door that joined their rooms. Estelle stopped and contemplated what she might need, if she was going on a trip of unknown duration. She was also aware she had to travel light because she had no idea what she might be facing. She sighed, her friends always seemed to get her into peculiar situations. At least she had already sent word to Josephine about what was going on, so that was one less thing to worry about. Her attention was drawn by cooing from above her bed. Assan was still sat on the corner, peering at her curiously.

“Though I’ve grown quite attached to you, I’m afraid Leliana’s the one you’ll need to stick with. You’re showing us the way, after all. It’s ok though, she’s really good with birds. You’ll like her.”

She wasn’t quite sure if her feathered friend understood, but he stretched his wings in response. She gathered a few essentials, and the odd comfort, including Josephine’s scarf, that she wrapped around her neck and hid under her other clothes. It was strange, being in armour that wasn’t her Hand uniform, but necessary. They wanted as little attention drawn to them as possible. She’d settled on a thick white shirt, covered by simple chainmail, and her long dusty dark-blue coat with various hidden pockets and detailings. She had a black utility belt around her middle, and black boots that went over her knee, with her handy criss-crossed black leather holsters on her thighs so her daggers were in easy reach. She smiled slightly at herself in the mirror, she looked just like she had in the good old days, when she was a rogue, and nothing more.

She packed a few essentials in her bags, and called Assan to her, before knocking on Leliana’s door. Once she was called in she leaned against the wall, keeping out of the way as the woman gathered her things. She seemed far more organised than Estelle had been, and had far fewer trinkets, but she wasn’t surprised. She noticed that of the few possessions she did have, she lingered on certain ones, gently turning them over in her hands, and brushing her fingers across them, and they all seemed to belong in a beautifully carved locked box. The one, in fact, she and Sera had found at Skyhold. From what Estelle could see, the most important ones were largely trinkets, amulets, including one shaped like a sword, a small plate, some beautiful, if fading satin slippers, and some pressed flowers. She watched her friend’s back with curiosity, but respectful distance, until Leliana addressed her directly.

“She was always generous. Any little thing she thought I might like, she bought and gave to me. The others too. They’re the only things I’ve managed to keep hold of after more than ten years…”

Leliana kept tenderly polishing and checking her gifts for any marks or scratches. Every one held a different memory for her, some good, some bad. She thought about their mission and what it would mean. Eventually, she selected the sword-amulet. The Sword of Mercy. it had deliberately been crafted without a point, and Kaida had given her it not long after the death of Marjolaine. It had rattled the bard something fierce, until Kaida reassured her that things didn’t always have to be bloody. She had a little difficulty with the clasp as it was stiff from age. But without the Left Hand even needing to ask, the Right walked forward and helped her, laying the chain gently around the bard’s neck. Leliana tucked it down her shirt, hiding it, much like the Trevelyan had done with Josephine’s scarf, which she allowed her friend a slight peek of. She smiled slightly at the similarities.

“I look forward to meeting her,” commented Estelle quietly, and was rewarded by a slight smile from Leliana.  
“I think the two of you will get along very well.” Leliana knew it in her heart. They were both strong and loving, and deeply loyal.

There was a discreet knock at the door, and Cassandra slipped in, dressed in her normal, comfortable clothes. It was harder for people to recognise her when she dressed like a ‘commoner’ and she liked the trick very well. Leliana watched as Estelle immediately perked up, and hugged her. She had noticed that her former partner, now leader, had become far more responsive to affection now, although only from a select few, and she returned the gesture, then glanced over at Leliana.  
  
“How are you?” she asked tentatively. “Ready to go?”  
“I’m...nervous to be honest.” sighed the redhead, “I don’t think I’ll ever be quite ready.”  
Leliana noticed Cassandra instinctively take Estelle by the shoulders and bend slightly to look in her eyes, “You look after her, ok?” she was meaning Leliana, and the thought cheered her slightly. “And yourself.”  
“I promise Cass, don’t worry.” Estelle replied confidently.  
“I’m _always_ going to worry. You have keep me in the loop, ok? So if you run into difficulties I can send help.”  
“I already said I would, and I will,” assured Leliana, “Thank you, for letting me go…”  
“Just come back. With a heartbeat.”  
  
Estelle thought she was seeing things for a moment, when Cassandra put her arms around Leliana. Leliana wasn’t sure how to respond herself, but she was thinking it through too much. Her own arms reached out and she found herself holding on to her. The two women had worked together for years, but it had always seemed more business like. At Skyhold they’d been more friendly, and again more so since the three of them had come to Val Royeaux. They cared deeply about each other, but Leliana had missed the sudden change when they had become quite so close. It was a natural development. She realised it must have been triggered by the events of the previous night. She had been so afraid of losing the other’s friendship, and never wanted to take that chance again. It warmed their younger friend through and through to see it, and she knew full well she would be the only ever witness. It was their little secret.

Cassandra accompanied them as far as the servant’s quarters, they were taking the longest most empty routes around and not a soul encountered them. When they got to a hidden exit that lead out into the city outskirts, she unlocked the door, and the cold early-morning air flooded in. The sun was just rising, and the sky was rosy pink. With last words and gestures of fond farewell, Estelle and Leliana disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

A few days had gone by since they left Val Royeaux. A decently agile boat had seen them across the lower end of the Waking Sea, and they were currently traipsing through The Heartlands. They had no idea where they might be going, they simply followed Assan. Leliana could tell Estelle had half been hoping he would lead them to The Imperial Highway, a safe and straightforward road, but those hopes had been dashed when the crow flew into a small woodland. They were both bone-tired, and their feet ached. They had managed to get a lift on the carriage of a travelling merchant’s family for some of the way, but they had parted when the family had to aim for Lydes, and Assan had gone in the opposite direction. The merchant had been kind enough to trade with them, so they had more supplies to keep going, but the endless walking, riding and general situation was wearing them down. It was growing dark and they were starting to think about finding a place to camp, when Estelle held a hand in front of Leliana, stopping her in her tracks. The bard frowned, but saw the concern on her friend’s face.

“Leli...do you see that?” she hissed.

The woman glanced in the direction that her friend’s frightened eyes were facing. There was something, a fairly large something, lying in the bushes a few feet away from them. It was clearly no longer living, as the smell and presence of flies signalled. Warily, the two edged clearer, and Leliana saw the young woman resisting the urge to vomit as she saw what it was. She always found it curious that an Inquisitor who specialised as an Assassin, hated blood. She looked closer herself, and wished she hadn’t. It was a mabari, and three pups, the pups largely shredded, and the mother had apparently succumbed to defensive injuries.

“Wolves.” realised Leliana suddenly.  
“Shit.”

It was then that they were acutely aware of the skin prickling on the back of their necks. They slowly turned around, and came face to face with six great black canines. They automatically stood back to back, so they couldn’t be flanked, and raised their weapons. In a great rush of movement, Leliana launched an arrow to the furthest one, and it howled in indignance as it lost the use of it’s front left leg. In response one of it’s friends leapt at the women, and Estelle kicked it away, slashing at it’s chest with her daggers. She took a breath, then barrelled forward, daggers whirling, drawing them away from Leliana so she had an easier time aiming. Between them they managed to take the pack down, and finally sheathed their weapons, breathing heavily and covered in blood and cuts, though nothing obviously serious.

“We should go. Quickly,” suggested Leliana  
“No arguments from me,” agreed Estelle, “I hate dead things.”

As they turned to leave, they were aware of a faint snuffling sound, and they froze, expecting more wolves to appear. None came, but the snuffling sound was still present. It was then followed by a whimper...and they turned their attention to the dead Mabari once more. Estelle grabbed Leliana’s wrist in fright as she saw movement. The main reason she hated dead things, was because in her experience they rarely stayed dead. Somehow frozen to the spot, they watched. From in between the mother and babies...a final pup emerged, clearly having just woken up. It was smaller than the others, it’s eyes barely open. But the fact that it was alive where it’s family was dead, was not the most astounding thing about it. It was the pup’s coat. Dazzling white, underneath the dirt and caked blood. A white Mabari was a rare sight.

“A runt. It’s amazing it’s alive...but I doubt it’ll last. We should put the poor thing out of it’s misery.”  
“No!” protested Estelle immediately, and strode over.

Much to Leliana’s astonishment, Estelle held her hand out to the dog, crouching down, and blinding herself to the corpses at her feet. The little dog initially seemed frightened, but tentatively sniffed the offered limb. Estelle rested the back of her hand on the floor, and gradually the pup came over. It was still wobbly on it’s feet, but deciding the woman was much warmer than the previous sleeping place, it promptly sat itself in the middle of Estelle’s palm, so small she could gently close her fingers around it and lift it away from it’s dead parent and siblings. She grinned triumphantly at Leliana, who sighed and shook her head.

“You shouldn’t get too attached Ellie. It’s sad, I know. But they’re called runts for a reason,” she had softened her tone.  
“I was a runt, and I turned out ok.”  
  
Leliana was surprised at the revelation. The Estelle she knew was so strong and vibrant, she had a very hard time picturing a feeble, sickly baby version of her friend. She knew then she wouldn’t win the fight, and who knew, maybe they had just added a warhound to their party. That was no bad thing. Estelle scratched the dog’s head, and discreetly held the slightly bemused critter aloft as she inspected it. She nodded, satisfied with something, and then placed the puppy in her pocket. It was plenty big enough, and warm, apparently, as it fell straight back to sleep.

“She’s a girl,” she smiled in explanation, “And I’m calling her Candida. Come on, we should get somewhere safe.”

She rejoined her friend, and the pair started to walk forward, only for Leliana to stumble and wince, catching hold of Estelle’s shoulder so she didn’t fall. She hadn’t noticed the pain until she looked down and saw a sizable claw mark that had cut through her boots and to her calf. She was momentarily annoyed, these were her favourite boots, but then she was then more aware of the burning sting and the blood soaking her footwear and dug her fingers painfully into Estelle’s collarbone.

“Maker’s breath Leliana, why didn’t you say you’d been hurt?!” scolded Estelle.  
“I hadn’t realised,” admitted the archer.  
“I need to look at that. Can you hold on until we find a safe campsite? Do you feel faint at all?”

Leliana nodded at the first question, and shook her head at the second, though they were both quite sure she was lying. She pulled Leliana’s arm around her, and steadied her at the waist and hip to help her walk.  It was a slow, awkward trek, and several times they had to rest so the injured party could catch her breath and stop her head swimming. Eventually they found a clearing, and there was some evidence other had camped there before. Assan seemed to realise something was up, and perched on a low branch by them.  Estelle helped Leliana to sit on a tree stump, and immediately began inspecting the wound.

“I can’t get at it...I think I might have to cut the boot off, I don’t want to risk making it worse.” she was panicking inside, well aware she was now solely responsible for Leliana’s wellbeing, more than even before, in a forest of wolves, that they didn’t know, but she managed to keep her head, “Do you have a spare pair?”

“Yes, thankfully,” came the weary reply, “Just, do what you have to so we can get going.”  
“Leli, I know you want to find Kaida, but if you push yourself, you’ll make it worse, it’ll take longer to heal, and you will be absolutely no use to the woman you love.”

Leliana was about to protest, but stopped herself. Estelle’s clear, rational thinking, was infuriating but correct. It was one of the reasons she had asked her to come. She slumped, defeated and let her friend get on with carefully cutting the leather of her boot. When it was finally left to one side, her lower leg was a relatively gory mess. She saw Estelle pale, but then admired her friend for gulping, taking a deep breath, and rolling up the shredded trouser leg.

“This will sting...but probably no more so than the actual wound.”

She grabbed a cloth, applying some kind of liquid to it, and started wiping away the dried and drying blood. Leliana gritted her teeth, feeling like her leg was freezing and on fire at the same time, a waft of some kind of surgical spirit assaulting her nose. She was relieved though, to see the mess wasn’t as bad as it looked initially. There were four very distinct, relatively deep gashes, but they hadn’t cut to muscle or bone, and only bled sluggishly. Estelle withdrew a large glass jar of poultice from her bag, and coated the injury with it. It would act like a second skin, and get rid of any infection, so it would heal  better, but it would still need some time. She bandaged it up neatly, and rested on Leliana’s knee for a moment.

“Better?” her friend begrudgingly nodded, “You’ll need at least a day to recover, and you can’t argue over it.”  
“But…”  
“But nothing. I promise, we’ll see this through, ok? But I promised Cassandra I’d look after you too, and I’m going to do both. You have other clothes, yes? Leave the boots for now, but new breeches would be good, keep you warm.”

Estelle made quick work of making the camp hospitable, she got a fire lit and some food cooking on it, and put up the tent, Leliana was amazed at how focused she was. She worked hard and didn’t comment on it, save to ask her friend if she was comfortable every now and then. With a little help Leliana hobbled into the tent to change, only to have to call Estelle a moment later because her balance, or lack thereof, and the soreness of her injury, made things less than easy. As they came back out to the fire, she shot her a look.

“We never speak of this again.”  
Estelle chuckled at her bashfulness, “You know I share a tent with you anyway right? But of course, I will keep my mouth shut.”

Whilst Leliana grumbled on the stump, Estelle dished up food for all, salted meat and a kind of vegetable broth for the pair of them, and a handful of nuts and berries for Assan. The smell of cooking had aroused interest from Candida, and a little white nose sniffed the air from Estelle’s pocket. The woman looked down and smiled.

“I should probably try and catch you a fresh rabbit or something. Salted meat will be no good for you. For now, there’s not much I can offer,” she grabbed a small bowl and put a small amount of broth in it, mashing it up and leaving it to cool before offering it.

Candida had no qualms about the food, and clambered onto Estelle’s lap to devour it. Seeing the prospect of more food, Assan fluttered down and landed expectantly on her shoulder, a moment later, another raven did. A smaller one, female perhaps. The young noble shook her head, amused. Apparently he’d found a girlfriend. Leliana had to smile at the girl in front of her, a puppy messily eating on her lap, two birds tapping her hand for more, and her in the odd break she could get, managing to feed herself as well. She had a feeling it would be one of those memories that stuck with you, even when you were old and grey.

She stared thoughtfully at the campfire, remembering the cosy nights with Kaida in Ferelden, their friends positively cheering when they wake up to find the pair of them in the same bed roll, the nights they were on watch together, and she’d fall asleep, only to wake and find Kaida having wrapped her arms around her and still standing guard. She missed her terribly, and when she placed her empty bowl down, she found she was hugging herself. It was a relief then, that she soon found another pair of arms encircling her, and a chin lightly resting on her shoulder, as well as a puppy with broth on it’s nose and two ravens grooming each other at her feet.

“I know I’m not her, but I’ll do my best to be there for you, and look after you.” reassured Estelle in a quiet voice.

Leliana couldn’t answer, but she appreciated that her friend just knew. She knew how much she missed Kaida, and how difficult it had been for her. She knew that nobody would quite measure up to her, but she was doing her best anyway, and not for the first or last time, Leliana thanked the Maker for sending her just who she needed, just when she needed them.


	8. Chapter 8

After a while, the pair suddenly realised they vaguely recognised at least this part of where they were going. Leliana’s leg was much better, though it still sometimes troubled her, and Candida alternated between running at their feet and sleeping in hoods, as the pocket wasn’t quite big enough. They spotted the Imperial Highway in the distance, which meant, merciful civilisation. They could restock, and maybe find a lift for part of their journey. It was Leliana that put two and two together.

“I think we’re heading to...Montsimmard?”  
“The Grey Warden base?” responded Estelle, “That...would make sense.”  
“I didn’t think there were many left in Orlais. But if Kaida was struggling with The Calling, it would make sense to seek aid there.”

Estelle was glad to see Leliana perking up, but she also had her reservations. If they got to Montsimmard, and found Kaida wasn’t there, she would be crushed. It didn’t sit right with her. If the letter had come from there, wouldn’t it have been easier to say so, instead of relying on a raven? The fact that they had been pursued by bandits and bounty hunters also made her think it wasn’t likely that they would be in a fortified Grey Warden base. Even so, they decided to head towards The Imperial Highway. With Leliana still not completely recovered, they would make faster progress if they could barter for a lift.

A couple of hours passed, and the pair, plus their menagerie, took a seat at the side of the road to rest, it was a hot day, and made it harder to keep going. Estelle had used up most of her water on the animals, and then gave the rest to Leliana after she’d finished hers without hesitation, knowing she needed to be careful. Leliana scolded her for doing so when she realised, and felt irrevocably guilty. Luckily, however, they had caught the eye of a man walking passed. He was dressed in dusty and worn travelling clothes, and seemed hesitant to approach, but he gathered himself and did so.

“Pardon me, Miss?” his voice was deep, and had a very strong Orlesian accent. “I see your friend is limping, have you been walking a while?”

The two women were cautiously polite, taking in the black hair and stubble on his sun-darkened skin. Estelle frowned, she was sure she recognised him, but with his hood up, she couldn’t quite place him. They realised there was no point lying, Leliana gave her a nod to let her know it was ok to talk, and glad to not have to do it herself. People, any people, exhausted her at the moment.  
  
“Quite some time, yes.”  
“You look tired, here,” he shyly offered her a stone flask. It was cool to the touch, and a sloshing sound signalled that it was almost full.  
“I couldn’t deprive you, sir,” Estelle responded, however parched she was, she wouldn’t deny someone else a necessity.  
“Please,” he dropped his voice, “My Lady Inquisitor, you saved my life, this is the least I can do.”  
  
Both Leliana and Estelle were on high alert, until he lowered his hood. They suddenly recognised him as one of the Grey Wardens at Adamant. In fact, one of the first to stand by them. He had fought bravely alongside them, and people never forgot a thing like that. Graciously, she nodded, and took the flask.

“Thank you kindly sir. Might I know your name?”  
“My name is Gratien. I would expect The Inquisitor to travel in a more secure party though, like before.”  
“For our needs, this is enough,” responded Estelle.  
“Are you travelling on Grey Warden business, Gratien?” queried Leliana. He did not recognise her, which was probably a good thing. “Do you have any news from Montsimmard?”  
Gratien sighed and looked down, “I do, in a way. I am travelling to Ferelden, with a message for King Alistair.”  
Leliana’s heart sank, and so did Estelle's, this was what they were both fearing, “Has something happened?” asked the bard, keeping her voice nonchalant.  
“Yes, My Lady. An old friend of the King’s came to us, she was not fairing well. We tried our best to treat her, but not long after she arrived, we were attacked by people hunting her. She and her party fled, to lead them away from us. But she asked me to deliver a message in person, to warn the King that the people after her may try and come after him, and any other Grey Warden they can find, and that they are in places one would not expect. I fear they would have killed us all, had the woman not lead them away. She is the top of their list, it would seem.” Gratien stopped, noticing Leliana ashen expression, “My Lady, are you quite well?”

Leliana was dazed and felt like crying, but she didn’t want to show weakness in front of a stranger. Thankfully Estelle came to her rescue,

“Is your injury paining you?” Leliana nodded, taking the moment to compose herself. “Are the others alright, Gratien? The Grey Wardens, I mean.”  
“Yes, My Lady, thank the Maker. Now they have some warning they can defend themselves.”  
“This friend...the woman,” began Estelle, “Do you know where she was going?”  
“South, I think. They mentioned the Gamordans. Those paths are treacherous. I hope they’re alright.”  
“When did they set off?” pressed Leliana.  
“Two, three days ago perhaps. If it is Montsimmard you want, Inquisitor, I have a friend who can take you. He’s a merchant who supplies us. The Wardens will be overjoyed to see you, we are forever in your debt. Our base is meagre, but comfortable, so your friend can rest. I daresay they can probably supply your furred and feathered friends as well.”  
“Thank you, Gratien, that would be wonderful. Andraste guide you to King Alistair.”

With that, Gratien was gone, not before talking to a man with a cart that was selling his wares nearby, and gesturing to the two exhausted women. Leliana was furious that they had just missed Kaida and her group. It was radiating from her, so the Trevelyan kept quiet. Leliana was grateful she did, because the last thing she wanted to do was snap at her only companion. Instead, she focused on the animals, letting Candida wrestle with one hand, and stroking the birds under the chin with another. The bard didn’t speak for a long time, save to quietly thank the merchant as he helped them into his cart. Estelle correctly decided she had best leave her to it, and instead clambered up to lean on the empty seat next to their chaperone. He seemed to like the company, glancing down to smile and chat whilst guiding the horses. Leliana watched them, before huddling into the corner again, silently seething and angry with herself for being so stupid as to be injured off the bat.

“We really appreciate this, thank you,” Estelle grinned gratefully, it was still fairly hot out, but the motion of the cart at least gave them a little breeze.  
“Not a problem Miss, I was going that way anyway, it’s the least I can do. Especially if you’re a friend of Gratien’s.” he lowered his voice and glanced backward, to where Leliana was sat in the far corner, staring at her feet. He lowered his voice, but the redhead still heard him. “Is your friend quite alright?”  
Estelle followed his gaze, “She’s tired is all, thank you for your concern though.”

‘Tired’ could describe a multitude of emotions that were battling for dominance in Leliana’s head. It was far more simple to reduce it to that then try and classify exactly what she was thinking. After a while of chatting to the merchant, Adam, Leliana was glad when she came over to check on her, and carefully scrambled over Adam’s wares again, back to her side. She didn’t really know what to say that wouldn’t seem pointless or patronising, luckily, she didn’t need to say anything, Leliana was finally ready to talk.

“Those damn wolves,” Leliana muttered fiercely, “If not for them, I’d be with her by now.” She looked accusingly down at her leg.  
“At least we know she’s alive, and it’s not a trap,” soothed her friend gently, “That’s something, right?”

As if in some sort of agreement, Leliana leaned her head on Estelle’s shoulder. She was surprised herself to find she was less self conscious about showing affection now, though only to Estelle. She felt comfortable around the younger woman, and she had come to trust her, quite an achievement on it’s own. She smirked slightly at herself, comparing where she had been after the Conclave, to where she was now. She was still angry, afraid and unsure. The trauma she had suffered still haunted her, but at least she was learning to ask for help when she needed it.

In a way, she was quite proud of herself. But she knew her slowly lowering guard was only natural. She’d been travelling with just Estelle for quite a while, and had come to rely on her to keep her going. She had been gentle, patient and understanding the whole way through, and that meant more to Leliana than she could express. They only had each other for now, but neither of them seemed to mind that much. The gentle rocking of the cart, and the clicking of horses hooves lulled them into a more relaxed state. They realised just how exhausted they were, and they weren’t done yet. If Gratien was correct, Montsimmard was only their next stop, and their last would likely be somewhere in or over the mountains.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taking me so long to update this! I've had a lot of life stuff going on (good stuff, just, lots of it!). Thanks for your patience x

The cart came to a stop, and the pair were startled awake. The sun was starting to go down, and they were outside a small chateau, with lots of round towers and only one square one. The scenery was beautiful, full of old trees that sheltered the building and a large pond to one side of it. Adam helped them down from the cart, and they were greeted by two people in Orlesian Grey Warden armour. They both seemed to be in their mid twenties, perhaps similar in age to Estelle, and they looked just like a male and female version of the same person, with dark red hair and grey eyes.

“Adele, André, it’s good to see you,” smiled Adam, greeting the woman with a hug, and the man with a firm handshake.

“We have more guests, it would seem?” asked Adele, peering curiously at the two other women.

“Hello,” greeted Estelle brightly, “I’m Estelle, this is my friend, Leliana.” At the second name the twins glanced at each other, before regaining their composure.

Adam looked at her, “You’re too modest My Lady. Gratien thought you may be interested in meeting her. She is more widely known as Inquisitor Trevelyan.”  
Realisation sunk in and the twins’ eyes widened, Estelle blushed, “Ah, I am no longer an Inquisitor, and the less widely known it is I am here, the better.”  
“Of course. Come.”

They and their animals were led through to a large stone hallway that had a large staircase in the centre, and off each side were arches leading into other rooms.They were taken right, towards a sort of living room area. It was fairly big, but comfortable, dressed in golds and blues like the Wardens. Leliana was still quiet, but she was at least happier to be in a place that Kaida had been fairly recently. It was almost as if she could feel her presence. The pair were thoroughly fed and watered, and Estelle spent most of the evening fielding questions and being very vague about some of the answers, never quite explaining what they were doing. She managed to be as charming and bright as usual, and soon won over the Wardens that were there. It did rather help that she had a Mabari puppy and two highly intelligent birds at her disposal. She looked every part like someone revelling in lots of company, but Leliana could see she was getting worn out, and made a quiet decision to rescue her.

“Estelle, I apologise for interrupting your story, but could you possibly help me upstairs? I’d like to clean up a bit.”

Estelle shot her a grateful look, and stood up immediately, “I think I may bathe and retire myself. Thank you very much for the hospitality, it’s appreciated.”

She gave them her most charming smile, and then went through the motions of supporting Leliana around her own neck and the woman’s waist. She was well aware her friend was capable of moving on her own, but they played up to it so no questions would be asked. They made their way up the stairs, and then walked separately, though they were to share a room. André had apologetically explained that there was only one of the few vacant ones that were in a fit state, as they hadn’t quite cleared up from their previous visitors. They paid it no mind, it would be nice not to sleep on the ground, even if it was for only one night, and to wash their clothes. Whilst Estelle sorted out a bath, Leliana sat reflectively in their room. There was a gentle knock at the door, and she opened it to find André there. He smiled, without saying anything, and pressed a small bag into her hand before bowing and disappearing. Curious, she perched on the end of her bed, and shook out the contents. Out tumbled a handkerchief wrapped around something small, and a letter. She looked at the handwriting on the parchment, and couldn’t quite believe her eyes. She tore open the envelope and read.

_Leliana,_

_If I know you at all my love, I know that you are trying to find me, and you will end up here in Montsimmard. I had planned to stay a while, in hopes of seeing you, but as I’m sure you know by now, the circumstances changed. I am sorry I had to leave again._

_I initially scolded Shale for writing to you, because I didn’t want to drag you into any danger. I know you have a lot on your mind being the Divine’s Left Hand, and helping to rebuild Thedas. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised you would come regardless, and the more I longed to see you._

_I know I cannot hide the truth from you, you know me too well, so I will not deny that I am struggling. The voices in my head are loud and unforgiving, and even in sleep they hound me. I hate to burden you with my troubles, as you have so many of your own. You are the only thing keeping me going._

_I swear I will end this mission, and come back to you free of my inner demons. You have been so loving and patient with me for so long, and I cannot hope to repay you. The song you used to sing to me sums my situation up perfectly. The nights are long, and I walk a dark path. But you are my dawn, and I know I will see you soon. Until then, know that I love you with all of my heart, and I pray that you are not trying to face everything alone this time, my little mockingbird._

_Kaida._

_PS: The enclosed is something I have been meaning to give you for a long time, and if there is any magic in the world, maybe it will bring you to me sooner._

With shaking hands, Leliana carefully unfolded the handkerchief, and sitting in the middle of it, was a gold ring. It was beautifully engraved with tiny but detailed leaves and branches and two small birds sitting in the middle of them. On the inside she could make out some Elvish writing, and smiled. ‘Ma vhenan, Leliana’. She tentatively placed it on her left ring finger, and found it fitted perfectly. Not that she was surprised. She found herself full of so many different emotions, she had no idea how to react. She fell to her default ‘handling things’ option, and walked straight into the washroom, where a startled Estelle seemed unbothered, but rather confused. She didn’t let it phase her particularly, Leliana just wanted to be near someone, she didn’t need to talk, and she seemed to care little that her friend was bare in the bath, luckily her friend didn’t mind either. It had always been a somewhat strange journey they were on, and it was relatively harmless compared to some surprises that had been sprung on them.

Estelle washed her hair and dried it some, wrapping a towel around herself as she stepped out, dripping onto the floor as she pulled the lever to let the water out, and didn’t really know what to say, “Um, so...have you been enjoying my company so much that you couldn’t bear to be apart from me for the duration of a bath?”

Leliana laughed, actually laughed. Yes there was a somewhat hysterical edge to it, which was a little disconcerting, but at least she wasn’t angry anymore. Estelle wasn’t quite sure exactly what she was at that moment in time, and Leliana was in no hurry to answer, for she didn’t know herself.

“Leliana?”

Leliana walked out of the washroom, and motioned for Estelle to follow. Still a little frightened at the behaviour, the younger woman hesitated, before shrugging and going after her. She couldn’t very well sleep in the washroom. Could she? When she went into the room, Leliana was staring at her hand, and a letter was resting by her. She pointed at the letter, still finding it difficult to speak. Estelle pulled a face at it, the last time a mysterious letter had arrived for Leliana, it had been messy. Although judging by the current reaction, this one was just plain confusing.

As she glanced over the first few words, she couldn’t help but think she shouldn’t be reading them, and looked away. It was something so private, and she didn’t even know the woman whose innermost fears and hopes she might be reading. Neither did she want to wade into a close friend’s private life, but here she was. She’d already been dragged in and there was no getting out of it now. It made her uncomfortable to be tangled in something so intimate, but her love for her friend was strong enough to numb it for now, even though she was quite sure she shouldn’t even be there.

“Leliana...are you sure you want me reading this? It’s pretty...personal.”

The woman turned and looked over her shoulder, “I’m sure. There so much going through my head now, I can’t keep up, and I can’t trust anyone else to help me organise it.”

It was such a raw, emotional response, Estelle wasn’t expecting it even slightly. Yes they were close, and the trip had made them closer, but Leliana always kept some distance between her and other people. She was always so level-headed and so strong, Estelle raised her up as one of her heroes in her mind, not that she’d ever tell anyone that. Now the woman she admired so much was turning to her for help, and she couldn’t quite make sense of it. It didn’t seem real.

“I know I’m asking a lot of you. I’ve dragged you halfway across Orlais on no more than a wish and a hunch, and you haven’t commented or complained once, even though we still have a long way to go. You just silently stood by me and supported me, like you always have, from the very first day we met, and you told me not to give up on my faith. I never truly realised how much you’d done for me, until I got that letter. My first thought wasn’t to keep it bottled up, to battle through myself, to avoid burdening anyone else, or getting too close to them. It was that I couldn’t cope alone, and I needed your help. It’s taken me a very long time to learn to trust even one person again. I don’t want to fall  back into that dark hole again.”

Her sudden speech and outpouring of emotion took even Leliana herself by surprise, let alone the twenty-five year old woman it was directed at. She had absolutely no real idea what Leliana had thought of her until that moment, and she almost balked at the responsibility that came with it, about thirty-five years worth at a guess. Although stunned, she decided not to shy away. It must have been difficult for Leliana to admit she needed help, let alone to that degree, and she wasn’t about to let her down.

“Ok.” was the simple response, “We’ll figure this out together.”

Estelle changed into her night clothes and clambered on to her bed, letter in hand. She waved Leliana over to sit next to her to sit with her, and the woman curled into her, rereading it over her shoulder. The birds settled on the dressing table, and Candida at the foot of the bed. Estelle was acutely aware of Leliana’s guard being down, she could hear her breathing and feel her heart beating, and something about her had changed. She seemed happier, but more vulnerable, and Estelle grew very protective of her. Where Leliana had softened, Estelle subconsciously hardened in her defense. The dynamic between them had ever so subtly changed. In fact, just then she felt like she was back home in Ostwick, curled up with her sister and telling stories.

The morning saw both women and their animals thoroughly bright and refreshed. It was amazing what a good night’s sleep could do. A loving letter and a wedding ring from a long-term partner also helped matters. Leliana took her turn to speak to the Wardens, to give Estelle a break from a lot of socialising. The Wardens found her change of temperament quite agreeable, and happily shared their stories and tips from their travels, as the group would be travelling along some of the same paths the Wardens had.

“Some of us can take you as far as Val Firmin,” explained Adele, “And then see if we can find anyone heading to the mountains. Did you back the cloaks and blankets? You’ll need them if you’re heading up there. It’s pretty wild, and there are no settlement for miles around, until Mont-de-glace.”

“It’s not an easy journey,” added André, “I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, truth be told, but you must do what you need to do. You seem a very capable party, so I’m sure you’ll have no problems.”

“Thank you, for everything,” Estelle smiled and bowed her head.  
“You’re welcome at Montsimmard any time,” Adele smiled.

And so, they were on the road again, on horseback this time. Candida had no idea how to react to the giant beast beneath her, save to occasionally try and bark, much to the amusement of her rescuer. The horse was entirely unbothered.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

They had briefly skirted passed Val Firmin, and now the pair were very aware of the mountains looming in front of them. The temperature was dropping, and Estelle shivered, pulling up the hood of her cloak. The air smelled sharper somehow, and the faint odour of woodsmoke hung in the area. As they got to the foot of the peaks, they gratefully thanked the stable owner who had lent them their mounts and seen them this far, returning his charges to him. It would be cruel to try and force the animals over the peaks, and they could move more discreetly on foot. He seemed concerned as he waved them off, and stayed keeping an eye on them until they were out of sight.

 “I can just imagine what Varric would say about this,” Estelle mused with a smile, “He refused to stop complaining every time we went outside.”

“I suppose it’s different in cities,” sympathised Leliana, “If I could avoid them, I would.”

“At least it’s good exercise,” Estelle shrugged, “If bracing.”

 As they climbed, the air got colder and thinner, and their conversation ceased as they trudged along. They kept very close to each other for warmth, but it didn’t offer much respite. As it grew darker, both were worried they would freeze to death unless they found a decent place to shelter. Luckily, Leliana’s scouts had once searched the caves in the mountains, and she had some idea which ones were safe. She took the lead, finding a one just big enough for the two of them, a fire, and their bedrolls. The entrance was small, so gave them shelter, but the temperature was still dropping. The animals felt it too, and huddled as close to their human masters as possible. Once Estelle got a small blaze going, they sat in front of it, knowing they were in for a long, uncomfortable night. Luckily, the Wardens had provided them with enough blankets, and they sat hip to hip, with animals in front of them, wrapping them around the whole group.

 As the sky outside became completely dark, they could just see passed the warm glow of the flames, and out into a cloudless, starry night. It was strangely peaceful, almost pleasant. It was like they had hidden away from the world for a while, and they could shut out the clash and clamour. Their minds were both on their respective partners, but they were grateful they weren’t alone.

 Leliana turned to her young, sleepy friend, “I still can’t believe you’re doing this for me.”

“You’d do the same for me,” was Estelle’s somewhat drowsy response.

 Leliana smiled as Ellie leaned on her shoulder, and found herself humming a long-forgotten lullaby that her mother had once sung to her. She had forgotten how much better music made her feel. The Trevelyan gradually drifted off, and Leliana let her. She was happy to stand guard, it was her that had brought them here after all. It was the least she could do.

 When the bard stirred, her shoulder was gently being shaken. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she was in her bedroll, next to Estelle’s, wrapped in the blankets. A small fire was already going as she looked up into a somewhat concerned face.

 “Is everything ok?”

“Um. That depends. You weren’t hoping to be completely untraceable were you?”  
  
“Why?”

 Ellie gestured outside of the cave, and Leliana’s eyes widened. A fresh powdering of snow was in front of it, and the sky outside was white. That would make their journey considerably more difficult, and she groaned. It was as if the world itself was trying to delay her reaching Kaida. She was presented with a bowl of some kind of porridge, hot and filling, designed to keep them going. Estelle must have been awake for a while to have everything prepared. Something that smelled sweet was also bubbling on the fire.

 “Your Warden doesn’t do things by halves, does she?”

 Estelle sighed and perched next to Leliana, who at least allowed herself a smile, despite being worried. Estelle had shared some of her food with Candida, and made sure the birds had plenty of nuts.

 “Not usually. What’s that?” Leliana nodded towards the metal pot hovering over the flames on cleverly placed stones.

“Oh! Hot chocolate. The Wardens must have snuck it into my pack. I thought it would make what’s bound to be a very uncomfortable trek a bit more bearable. Warm us up too. Here.” She carefully poured some into a stone tumbler and placed it by Leliana’s legs, “It’s seriously hot, so let it cool a little first. I don’t think poultices cure burnt tongues.”

 Her optimism was relentless, and she was good company to have on a generally dark mission. The bard didn’t think she would have lasted half as long without her before losing her mind, or a limb. She couldn’t even believe her stupidity at planning to go alone when she was still angry. She realised it must be exhausting to be so happy all the time, and hugely appreciated it. She had no idea how she would ever make it up to her friend.

 “I don’t know how Assan’s going to find Kaida in snow,” sighed Leliana.

“Oh! I had an idea about that,” Leliana raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue, “Do you still have her handkerchief?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Brilliant!” Estelle scooped up a slightly alarmed Candida, who yelped in surprise, and nuzzled into her, “Because we have a Mabari now. Yes she’s little, but I bet that nose is already fine tuned. It’s in their breeding.”

The other woman looked sceptical, “She’s only, what, eight weeks old? At a guess. Are you sure?”

“Yes. My uncle used to breed Mabaris. I don’t know much, but I know that at least. Do you have any other suggestions?”

Leliana had to admit that she did not, “We can try...but if she starts going back the way we came…”

“Then we’ll sort something out.”

 A while later, everything was packed away, and the campfire was doused. Estelle crouched down by Candida, and Leliana handed over the neatly-folded handkerchief she hadn’t let too far from her since she got it. The young dog sniffed it cautiously, nose twitching. She instinctively seemed to know what to do, and snuffled around the ground, before barking in excitement.

 “I think she’s got it! Come on!” Estelle hurried after the dog, and Leliana, deciding they had few other options, went after her.

 They made fairly rapid progress, which drove them both to walk faster and with more confidence. Then the skies opened, and they found themselves caught blind in a blizzard. The wind whipped their hair about their faces and the ice seemed to claw at their bodies. They clutched one another’s hands so as not to get separated, and hurriedly gathered up their menagerie. Estelle was perfectly silent, a good sign she was panicking, and Leliana realised it was up to her to provide the motivation this time. She fumbled around, aiming for the darker patches she could see, and hoping to find some kind of shelter behind the stone. She eventually found a small hollow, and dragged Estelle into it, wrapping her arms and cloak around her.

 “Shit,” murmured Estelle, “We were stupid to come out. I can’t see anything.”

 The small group stayed huddled together, praying to the Maker that the storm would stop soon. They weren’t sure how much time had passed when they saw something big and slow heading towards them. They instinctively shrunk back, hoping it would just pass them by, but it didn’t. Instead, it got closer and closer, and Estelle thought the cold had frozen her brain. She was sure it was a statue they were seeing. A moving statue.

 "Leliana?” she whispered,

“Yes?”  
  
“Pinch me.”  
  
“Whatever for?!”

“I think I’m hallucinating. Statues don’t walk, right?”

“What?!”  
  
Leliana’s pitch went up in something that seemed to be relief. Sure enough, as the figure got closer, it turned out to be nothing other than a golem with beautiful crystals adorning it’s hands and feet. Estelle pinched herself, and yelped, rubbing the patch. So she was awake.

“Sister? Is the sister here?” came a gruff, female voice.

“Is that a…?” Estelle hid behind her friend.

“Shale! Thank the Maker!”  
  
“Ah. It is. And it has a small thing attached to it?” In this context, ‘small’ and ‘young’ meant near enough the same thing to the golem. “Girl child?”  
  
“What?” Leliana was baffled.  
  
“The sister protect its. And it is small. So it is the sister’s child?”

Estelle’s eyes widened, and she shook her head, “No. No. Leliana is not my mother.”

“Then what is the small thing?” queried Shale, bending down to look at the startled Trevelyan.  
“She’s a friend,” Leliana explained, then smiled, “A good friend,” she added, “She’s been helping me.”

“I’m...Estelle. Ellie. Pleased to meet you?”

“How did you find us?”  
  
The answer came a few moments later, when another figure, not as big but still quite large, came towards them, slowly. Ellie was amazed to see a battle-worn Mabari with grey-tinged fur and a slight limp come at them. He came right up to her, and started barking excitedly.

 “Revas! Glad to see you’re still going old boy,” Leliana smiled, scratching his head.

 Revas looked expectantly at Estelle, sniffing around her. Suddenly, she realised what he was getting at. A little white head peered out of her cloak, and Revas immediately started licking the pup’s muzzle. He’d heard her sounds of distress, and led Shale right to them. Leliana felt a strange knot in her stomach.

 “Is...is she nearby?” she asked, afraid of the answer.

“Yes. She wanted to come,  but she was not strong enough.”  
  
“Can you take us there?” Leliana's voice was hesitant.

 The now extended party followed Shale along the twisting uphill path. Revas was quite happy to allow the birds to use him as a warm perch. The cold didn’t seem to bother him, and he stayed close by Estelle, who had deliberately let Leliana walk slightly ahead with Shale, knowing she would want updates. She was quite happy with her animal kingdom company, even though she couldn’t really feel her fingers or toes and she only knew exactly where she was going because there was a giant statue leading the way.

 Eventually, as the blizzard started easing, they realised there were on some kind of small plateau, outside another cave. It was bigger than the last one they had slept in, big enough for even Shale to get through, if she crouched. The golem went inside, followed by Revas and the birds. Not paying attention, and with her peripheral vision challenged by her hood, Estelle went to follow, and found herself walking in to Leliana’s unmoving back.

 “Oops, sorry! I thought you were behind Shale.” She peered at her friend, soaking wet, with her hair dripping into her eyes, and shivering, but she seemed stuck in place, and her face was quite unreadable. “Um, Leliana?” she reluctantly pushed back her hood, “Are you actually frozen to the spot? Do you need a push?” she smiled slightly, but Leliana was still unresponsive. “Hey. Earth to Leli?”

“I can’t go in.” was the eventual reply,

“What? Why? We’ve just come all the way up and out here, from Val Royeaux.”  
  
“Because...I don’t know if I can handle seeing her. What if she’s dead, or dying, or something worse.”  
  
“Worse than the whole, dying thing?” Estelle raised an eyebrow, then sighed. She stepped around her friend to face her, taking her hands in her own, which at least got Leliana to look at her, “She’ll be glad to see you, Leli. She gave you a wedding ring for Andraste’s sake. If you’re what’s been keeping her going all this time, just imagine how much better she’ll feel when she actually gets to touch you, to talk to you. Come on, I’ve never met her, you should see her before I do.”

 Eventually the bard nodded, squeezing Ellie’s hands for reassurance, and with a gentle hand on her lower back propelling her forwards, she walked in. The cave was quite dim, a huge contrast to the dazzling white outside, but a fire blazed in the middle, sending out a soft, warm glow, and causing shadows to bounce off the walls. Shale and Revas were to one side, leaning against the wall as the golem stroked the dog’s back. Assan and his girlfriend were happily nuzzled together in a gap in the cave’s wall. It had been made into a fairly decent makeshift camp. There was a cooking area, and a pile of furs and blankets close to the fire, but not near enough to burn.

 Calmly sitting on a stool made of a tree stump, presumably hauled in by Shale, there sat an elf, with a blanket around her shoulders. She was small and slight, even thinner than the last time Leliana had seen her, with sun-tanned skin, and long dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. There was a pallor settled over her skin, and her eyes, the green of leaves, were tired and haunted, but it was still the woman Leliana loved. Estelle could see she was beautiful underneath the sickness, and she felt an immediate connection with her. She was elegant and warm in her demeanour, and gave her the slightest of glances and smiles before she focused on the sodden redhead in front of her.

 “Aneth ara, ma vhenan.” She slowly, and slightly painfully stood, “Sorry I could not meet you. Our crystalline friend here forbade me.”

“Because you would perish the first step you took outside,” retorted Shale.  
  
“You should know by now I am not so easily overcome.”  
  
Estelle smiled as the elf wrapped her arms around Leliana’s waist, and then slightly embarrassedly looked down as the pair kissed passionately, hungrily hanging on to one another for dear life. She wasn’t quite sure how long she inspected her soggy boots on the stone floor before Leliana and Kaida remembered they were in company. The young noble didn’t hold it against them, she knew she was intruding. That was, until she eventually raised her head and found Kaida standing in front of her. She was a few inches shorter, but Estelle bowed to her strength and experience. She felt like she was being inspected and bit her lip, shuffling nervously. It was slightly disconcerting how intensely the Warden-Commander stared at her.

 “You must be Lady Trevelyan,” said Kaida, finally, after what seemed like an age, “You are far younger than I imagined, from the stories Leliana told me of you.”

“I...get that a lot.” The only people in the whole of the Inquisition younger than her were Cole and Sera.

“It makes them all the more impressive.” She reached forward, and hugged the girl, whispering in her ear, so only the two of them could hear, “I see you took my letter to heart. Thank you...for saving her.” Estelle just nodded dumbly as Kaida let her go, “It’s an honour to finally meet you.”  
  
“The honour is all mine, my lady.”

 Kaida chuckled at the formality, and then motioned for the pair to sit in front of the fire. They hung their cloaks over a crudely constructed washing line, and took off their boots, leaving them by the fire. Shale tightly wrapped each of them in warm, dry, blankets. Candida settled into Estelle’s lap, and Revas, nominating himself guardian of the younger dog, leaned heavily on her. She was grateful for the extra warmth. There was silence for a while, before Leliana decided she should start asking the questions they had come to find the answers to.

“We spoke to the Wardens at Montsimmard,” she began hesitantly, “Who is it that’s looking for you?”

Kaida’s face darkened and she stared into the flames, “Nobody good.”  
  
“Kaida…”  
  
The elf sighed, “Fine. After the truth got out, about the Wardens killing the Divine, trying to raise a demon army and that Magister Darkspawn tearing a hole in the sky, a lot of people were, less than enthused. Even though I’m Warden-Commander of Ferelden, not Orlais, they blamed me for it. I guess they thought I’d make an easier target than say, the King of Ferelden. They’re worried I might plot against Divine Victoria, or that if they leave me alone long enough, I’ll turn into another Corypheus. Despite not being a mage. The blessings of tainted blood, it would seem. I suppose being an elf doesn’t help. Needless to say, it has somewhat slowed down my progress in finding a cure.”

“But you’re still looking?” queried Leliana, worrying what the answer may be.

“Of course I am,” Kaida smiled, and took her hand, “I promised you, didn’t I?”  
  
“Your letter…”  
  
“I’m glad you came.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm glad you're still reading this and thank you for bearing with me!
> 
> I just wanted to give people a quick update. I'd rather not be someone who never finishes a fic (I've read ones that just sort of disappeared, so I know how it feels!). 'Holding On To You' is not finished, but it will be, in stages. However, I recently became a mum for the first time and I love it, but it's hard to spend much time on the computer. I'm lucky my other half is helping out for a bit tonight (he works, so it's not often he can). I'm putting up these chapters to hopefully tide my lovely readers over a bit until I can sort out the rest. I don't know when it will be, but it'll hopefully be before December, don't worry! 
> 
> Thank you again, I love reading comments and hearing feedback, so feel free to add more. Until next time! 
> 
> -SC x

Chapter Eleven

Some time later, Kaida had filled them in on her plan. Go to Mont-de-glace, and catch a ship. She had heard stories of new and different kinds of magic in a place across the Sundered Sea, and rumours of everything from former slaves coming back without their lyrium tattoos, to Tranquils having their abilities restored, and she realised it was her only chance. She had looked everywhere in Thedas, and thought that perhaps her answers lay in another land. As she grew more and more enthusiastic about her plans, Estelle noticed Leliana getting quieter and quieter. They all ate together in relative silence, and the tension in the air was getting too much for her. She glanced outside and saw the snow had stopped. She had the good sense to know the Warden-Commander and the Spymaster needed some time alone, and turned to Shale.

  
“Shale. Maybe we should go and get more firewood? We can dry it out to use later.”

 The Golem too was feeling the pressure and immediately stood up, agreeing to act as guide and bodyguard. For good measure, both dogs went with them as well, leaving only the birds, now sleeping in their hollow. As soon as they were back outside, Estelle didn’t even care it was freezing, she was just glad of the air.

 “Lady Tabris seems to be coping well,” she said, hesitantly.

Shale chuckled a deep, gravelly chuckle, “She’s stubborn. I’ll give her that. I would imagine she does not want to worry the sister too much.”

“Leliana is exactly the same. It’s a perfect match.”

“Yes. I believe so.”

“May I ask something, Shale?”

“It depends. What does it want to ask?”

“Leliana says you fought in The Blight, but that ended ten years ago, and everyone scattered. How come you didn’t?”

“A fair enquiry, small one. It is true we all went our separate ways afterwards. The only one that stayed with the Warden was the sister, or perhaps the Warden stayed with the sister?” Shale shook her head, “I myself went with another friend of ours, an old mage. Wynne. We were both searching for cures.”

“Cures?”

“Yes. For tranquility, on her part, and for this,” she gestured to her body, “On mine.”

“What happened?”

“She died.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”  
  
“We all die, small one. Afterwards, the Warden found me. I learned she was looking for a cure too. She had always been good to me. She gave me purpose, but never orders. So I went with her. I have stayed with her ever since.”

“You are an amazing friend, Shale. She’s lucky to have you.”

“And you walked through desert and snow and mountain to keep your friend safe. She too, is lucky.”

“You’re right.” Agreed Estelle, “We’re both pretty fantastic.”

Shale had decided she quite liked this girl. She seemed strong, and loyal. In fact, she reminded her of the Warden, when they had first met. She hadn’t forced Shale to come along with them. She had freed her, and gave her control of her own decisions. She was always fair and diplomatic, but fierce when required. The Golem just hoped the girl’s future was brighter than Kaida’s appeared to be at the moment. She was worried about nightfall.

It was night time that things seemed to get worse for the Warden, and Shale had seen it. She could offer little comfort, made of stone as she was, but she always kept watch. The golem and the girl decided to stay outside for a little while longer, watching Candida explore, and get lost in, the snow. Every time she came into difficulty, Revas found her. He seemed to be teaching her tricks of the trade, and she picked them up very quickly. Having the pup around seemed to give the old boy more energy, and he leapt around as much as his age and ailments would allow, barking excitedly.

As it grew darker, they reluctantly turned back towards the camp. They were both worried about their friends, and weren’t quite sure what they would find when they arrived. When they got to the entrance, Leliana was walking out of it. On the way she caught Estelle’s arm, pulling her behind her. She glanced over her shoulder at Shale, who nodded in understanding, and called the dogs to her heel. Estelle, meanwhile was dragged to the further end of the plateau. When she was eventually released, she stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do. Leliana had left with no cloak or blanket, and she shivered, hugging herself. She didn’t seem to want to talk for now, she just wanted company.

“She’s leaving again,” came the invitation to speak after a while.  
  
“Didn’t you, well, already know that?” responded Ellie tentatively.  
  
Leliana sighed, “Yes. I suppose I did. But she’s going to a whole new place, who knows where, and I can’t get there if…I just wish it was over already.”

Estelle’s immediate thought was that maybe Leliana could go with Kaida. She was sure Cassandra would understand. She would miss her friend bitterly, of course, but her main concern was her happiness and wellbeing. She’d already been through so much, surely she had earned a reprieve?

“I know what you’re thinking,” Leliana turned to look at her, and it almost made her jump, “But she practically forbade me. She told me my job was too important and that she couldn’t let me put her before the whole of Thedas.” Estelle had no idea how to respond to that. She could see Kaida’s point, but she could also see Leliana’s heart, so consequently, she said nothing. “You’ve seen how sick she is. She might die over there. I might never see her again.”

This was a clear plea for advice, but Ellie wasn’t sure what sort to give. She pondered for a moment, “She probably knows that too. It might be…” she hesitated.  
  
“What? Go on.”

“It might be...that...she wants you to remember her, if indeed that’s what you end up doing; there’s no guarantee she won’t survive either, as she was. She might not want you to have to see her go through...whatever Grey Wardens go through when they hear the Calling.”

Leliana seemed to consider her friend’s words. They were quite perceptive, considering she had only met Kaida in person once. She seemed to understand her quite well, perhaps it was the fact they were both heroes, in their own ways, with their own titles. As Leliana began to shiver, Estelle wrapped her cloak around the both of them, trying to keep out at least some of the chill.

“I mean, if it were me, and I was sick, very sick, I wouldn’t want Josie to have to watch. I would want her to think of the good things, the funny things, the bizarre things. Not to be haunted by the bad things that happened at the end. I’d want her to…”  
  
“Get on with her life?”

“I...suppose so. Yes.”

“How am I supposed to do that? Nearly 12 years we’ve been together…”  
  
“Leli, this is all hypothetical. It could be that she’ll go to wherever she’s going, get cured, and turn up on your doorstep.”

“Ever the optimist, aren’t you?”  
  
“Someone has to be. Think about it. This could be a chance for closure, one way or another. She goes and you can either rest safe in the knowledge you’ll see her again, or take solace in the fact that she loves you so much she didn’t want you to go through any more, and she’s giving  you permission to grieve, and move on.”

“The voice of reason strikes again, it would seem.” Leliana sighed, leaning into her friend once more for support, “Have I mentioned, I’m very glad you’re here?”  
  
Estelle smiled, “It’s been implied.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

Estelle had volunteered to play lookout for a while, to give Kaida and Leliana time alone. She was perched outside the cave, Shale having loaded her up with blankets and a small fire to keep going as the golem went foraging. As well as a big and a little Mabari. She was fiddling with something in front of her, it was difficult to see what she was doing as all that could be seen from the cave was her back. She was enjoying the quiet, every sound was muted by the snow that still hung around. She didn’t notice the cold, with the warm glow on her face and the concentration whatever her little task was took. After a while, she was aware of a presence behind her, and looked over her shoulder. She was surprised it wasn’t Leliana. Instead, Kaida, wrapped in a blanket and with her hair down, smiled and approached. Estelle tilted her head in question.

 “I finally got her to sleep,” explained the Elf.

 Estelle looked suitably impressed, and shifted over so Kaida could join her in front of the fire. The Warden looked down in front of them, and saw dozens of little paper stars, all in different colours, resting on the blanket in front of Estelle. The Trevelyan smiled a little awkwardly that she had been caught making them. It was a fanciful thing, she had made them when she was younger and worried about something.

   
“They’re very pretty, what are they for?”

“Uh..it’s silly, really,” muttered Estelle. “They’re um, wishing stars. The initial idea is to write down your hopes and wishes, or something good that happened, then fold them up. Any time you feel down, you unfold it and read what’s inside. I find it, therapeutic.”

“That’s not silly, that’s sweet. Can you show me?”  
“Um, sure. I’ll try.”

 Kaida sat cross-legged by the young woman, who noticed that the gentle glow of the fire smoothed out the hollowness of her eyes, and warmed the colour of her skin. She looked quite beautiful, in fact. She could see why Leliana loved her so much. She had a sense of calm purpose, and a friendly quietness. She held up the different colours for her, and Kaida took one.

  
“First you need to tie a knot in one end. Be careful not to make it too tight, or rip it.”

   
The elf patiently watched as Estelle paused between each step, allowing her to copy what she did. Any time Kaida seemed a little confused, she would gently correct her, placing her hands over Kaida’s so she wasn’t taking over, just guiding. She seemed positively giddy with pride when she made the first tiny little star-shaped decoration. They made a few more, before their hands started getting cold, and they held them over the fire. Eventually, Kaida broke the silence, with words Estelle knew were coming.

   
“You know I’m dying, don’t you?” she said, mournfully.

“I...had my suspicions.” Estelle stared at the floor, feeling awkward.

“Leliana is fretting, a lot.”  
  
“Of course she is. She loves you. I’d be panicking if Josephine was ill.”  
  
“I have no doubts about that. Leliana speaks very highly of you, and how well you take care of her,” Kaida smiled, and Estelle looked up shyly. “It would seem you take care of an awful lot of people.”  
  
Estelle shrugged, “I have a lot of friends, true, but they can mostly take care of themselves. I just appreciate the time I spend with them.”  
  
“Even so, from what I hear you do a lot more for them. You’ve done more for Leliana than I could ever have hoped.”

 Kaida brought her knees up, hugging them, and staring thoughtfully into the fire. Estelle could tell she was feeling guilty for being away for so long, even if it was Leliana who decided to go to the Divine’s side. The young woman wasn’t entirely sure what to say, or do. She didn’t really know the Warden, so she was ill equipped to judge. It was true she often got life stories from complete strangers if she happened to be standing near them, or they caught her in the library. She knew a lot about everyone at The Grand Cathedral, even if they would rarely remember talking to her.

  
“I didn’t do much, Lady Tabris. You’re her main driving force. You and her faith.”  
  
Kaida smiled, “The faith that you restored. She told me about it all. I can’t thank you enough.”  
  
Estelle was flustered once more, looking down, “I was just, being a friend.”  
  
“An exceptional one. It’s...why I wanted to talk to you, actually.” She hesitated, feeling bad for what she was about to say, considering Estelle had already trekked across Southern Thedas, ending up in a snow-locked cave with people she barely knew. “I may not come back from this trip. I’ll endeavour to, but I don’t know how long I can last out. I need to know someone will take care of Leliana.”  
  
Estelle grinned, “I’m fairly certain Leliana can take care of Leliana.”  
  
“Because she managed so well after Justinia’s death,” pointed out Kaida.

“Those were...exceptional circumstances. Dreadful exceptions.”  
  
“And she sought your counsel after them.”  
  
“I was the Inquisitor...it was part of my job.”  
  
“Leliana does not popularly seek other people’s counsel. You’re trying to downplay your role in her recovery.”  
  
“I don’t want to do her a disservice.”

Kaida had to laugh at the young woman’s insistence. No wonder she was so popular, she was humble and modest. “Whatever you may see, I see someone who is loyal and warm-hearted, and knows when action must be taken, even if the circumstances are difficult. Please, promise me you’ll stay by her side, whatever happens.”

“It’s Leliana...I’ll stay wherever she puts me,” pointed out Estelle.  
  
Kaida chuckled slightly. “I suppose that will suffice. Thank you, Lady Trevelyan.”  
  
“Please, call me Estelle.”  
  
“Estelle. You should go and get some rest, my friend. Shale will be along soon, and I don’t do much sleeping as it is.”  
  
“Are you sure? It can’t do you any good…”  
  
Kaida laughed, “Little does these days. Say...may I have some more of those papers, by any chance?”  
  


Estelle gave her a whole wedge of them with a smile, then stood up, nodding a goodnight as she saw Shale returning. As she quietly ducked back into the cave, she pretended not to notice Leliana’s eyes suddenly closing, and crawled in to her bedroll, grateful for the warmth, even if she wouldn’t be sleeping much either.

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea, it's been soooo long. Sorry! I love you all for reading and can't apologise enough.

After some argument and persuasion, Kaida had finally agreed to let Leliana and Estelle accompany her to Mont-de-glace, much to the delight of Shale. They made an odd party, not quite as easy to stay undetected, but at least they were together if they were. The weather hindered their progress somewhat, as they battle ice and blizzards, and it seemed to make Kaida worse and worse. Kaida however, was determined to keep going and ignored her friend’s pleas to stop. She strode ahead of the others as they tried to hang back. It came to a head one evening, as the group were weary and aching. They could see Mont-de-glace in the distance, and the sun was setting behind them, when their leader steadied herself on a tree after a rush of light-headedness. Leliana exploded, rushing forward and seizing her hand.

“Kaida! For Andraste’s sake, stop! Take a break! This whole trip will mean absolutely nothing if you die before we even reach the city!”

Estelle froze, and Shale and the animals froze behind her. She and the golem looked at each other, both feeling very, very uncomfortable to be witnessing the lovers’ disagreement. 

“Leliana, you’re over reacting. I’m fine,” replied Kaida with an even, quiet tone.  
  
“No! You aren’t!  _ Look _ at you. You barely eat, you don’t sleep, do you even care that you’re putting yourself in even more, unnecessary, danger?! Not to mention the rest of us!”

“The city’s just over there. You can go back, if you want.”   
  
Estelle was fairly sure she didn’t mean it to sound how it came out, and both she and Shale visibly flinched. Neither of them more so than Leliana however, who looked like she’d just been slapped, by a molten iron hand. The others had to look away, even Revas whined, and Assan and his lady friend flew up into a nearby tree. Eventually, the elf realised what she had said.

“Oh, Maker, I didn’t mean…”  
  
“Is that what you want then? Me to ju st up and leave you, forget the fact you’re dying, forget the fact I may never see you again?! Just go back to Val Royeaux and carry on like nothing is wrong?! That easy for you is it?!” Leliana’s voice started to crack, so she promptly stopped talking.

“That...came out wrong,” Kaida responded, much chastened, “Of course it’s not that easy. It’s not easy at all.” She sighed, “I never wanted you to see me like...this.” She gestured to her gaunt, pale face, and the fact her clothes were much too big for her now. “I just wanted to find that damn cure, then find you, and forget the hell the last ten years or so has been. Shale, Revas and you are literally the  _ only _ good things in my life right now. I killed a noble, was taken into custody by the Grey Wardens, who then promptly died, fought demons and darkspawn, chased down armies, killed an archdemon. You’d think that would be enough. But no, people just wanted more and more from me, and I couldn’t give it. Now I’m already dying, and bounty hunters and cultists are still trying to kill me. Meanwhile, the woman I love is going through her own hell, including losing her closest friends, closing holes in the sky, and now desperately trying to keep the Divine alive.” The elf paused, eventually giving in and sitting on the rock that was supporting her. “I’m tired. I just want to get better, get back to you, and actually have a life not dictated by everyone else.” 

 

Everyone there could sympathise with her sentiment whole-heartedly. Estelle found a whole new respect for the woman, and could quite easily relate. She’d only been thrown into chaos for just over two years, between the Inquisition, and then being Cassandra’s Right Hand. It wore her out already, she dreaded to think where she might be in ten years. Varric had always warned her that the lives of heroes seldom had happy endings. The sentiment rung very true when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. Much to Shale’s confusion, Estelle darted towards her, unsheathing her dagger, and neatly cutting an arrow in half, as it headed straight for Kaida.   
  


“I think we may be in trouble.”

More arrows came flying over the horizon, and an angry roar of about a dozen men shredded the air as they ploughed towards them, clearly annoyed their subtle technique hadn’t worked. Leliana instinctively grabbed Kaida, shielding her, and Shale stood in front of them. The hackles on Revas and Candida’s necks rose and they started growling.

“Warden. Did you really think we wouldn’t find you?”

 

A man, on the short side, but sturdy, with the looks and airs of a noble, came striding into view. He had sandy brown hair and a moustache. He had a wicked smile and his eyes were hard as stone. As soon as Kaida caught sight of him, Estelle was amazed by the change that came over her. Her eyes blazed, and she drew out her own daggers, less shiny, but just as sharp as her own, and all but hissed.

 

“Dunstan,” spat the elf. “Dirthara-ma!”

She leapt into battle, striking fast and true as she ploughed straight into the midst of the bandits, to the complete astonishment of everyone else. Estelle recovered quickly enough when a sword slashed at her face. She took a deep breath, and waded in, spinning and twirling, her weapons flashing in a dangerous blur. Shale barrelled into them, and the cries of battle soared through the air. Blades on blades, cries of pain, yells of anger. It was chaotic. Estelle bounded forward, propelling herself off one of her enemy’s shields and twisted in the air, landing neatly next to Kaida. A hail of arrows from Leliana took down their closest opponents. The two women clocked each other, registering their movements and style, adapting their own to work with synchronicity. Seeing Kaida now, in the midst of battle, Estelle could easily see her in her prime, cutting down darkspawn, destroying armies, taking on an archdemon. She was awestruck, and proud to be fighting alongside the fabled Hero of Ferelden. After a time their opponents lay dead and dying in front of them, except for Dunstan. He was a very good fighter, and despite the blood on his clothes, and the wounds he had sustained, he laughed.

“You can’t keep this up forever, Warden. I  _ will _ have vengeance.”  
  
“You’ve been after me for years, and I’m still standing,” retorted Kaida.  
  
“But for how much longer knife-ears? Hiding behind your little girlfriend, and your pets. I have pets of my own.”

 

There was a dreadful howl, and half a dozen blight wolves charged into view, with as many more heavily-armed and armoured soldiers behind them. Dunstan cackled madly, more than ready for round two. But Kaida was wearing out. Not that she would admit it, nor could you see it in the way she held herself. She was not as young as she once was, and back then she hadn’t been ill. Even so, she steeled herself, safe in the knowledge she would probably die, right here and now. But at least, she thought, selfishly she realised, she wasn’t alone. She went for Dunstan’s throat, but Estelle stepped in front, cutting her off.

“What are you  _ doing _ ?!” hissed the elf, just managing to swerve her blades away from Estelle’s back.  
  
“You have to go,” responded the young noble, matter-of-fact. “You’ll die.”  
  
“I’m dying anyway!”  
  
“Yes you are. But she isn’t, and you and I both know if you fall here, so does she, one way or another. I came to protect her, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Kaida paused, glancing over at Leliana. In her mad rage she’d not thought about what it would be like for her, if Kaida was cut down here, when she was so close. They could  _ see _ the city. The dock that would take her to lands unknown, and her only chance at recovering, instead of just surviving on a wing and a prayer.

“Mont-de-glace is right there. You’re almost free. Don’t let him take that away from you, or her.”  
  
“Estelle, what are you playing at?!” called Leliana.   
  
She turned to look at the redhead, and she just knew from her face the same thoughts were going through her head. She was terrified, and heartbroken, and pushing it all down, like she always did. Dunstan tried to take advantage of her distraction, and lunged forward, only for Estelle to kick him squarely in the codpiece, and causing him to stagger.

“Leliana. If you run, you can make the town. Take Kaida and the others. Get them out of here. This is the only chance we’ve got.”  
  
“Are you completely insane?! You can’t possibly think to fight all of them alone!”  
  
“No,” responded her friend solemnly, “But I can buy you time. This is what you’ve wanted for twelve years, you’re not going to fall at the last hurdle.”   
  
Leliana was utterly torn and desperate. Was she really, after everything, going to have to choose who lived and who died, from the two people she trusted most in the world, one of the being the woman she had loved for years, and the other the one who had saved her soul. But she had no time to dwell. With a nod from Estelle, Shale grabbed both women and started running, pulling them behind her. Revas hesitated as Candida whimpered at Estelle’s feet.   
  
“Go on little one, they’ll look after you.”   
  
She bent down and scratched the young dog behind the ears, before she was grabbed by the scruff of the neck, courtesy of Revas, and suddenly flying through the air. Kaida and Leliana dared to look back, and wished they hadn’t, for the last thing they saw of their young friend was a pack of wolves descending, and blocking her from view.


	14. Chapter 14

The air was cold and clean at the Mont-de-glace docks. A dark-haired woman with tanned skin, boots up to her thighs and a black and gold corset over a tunic, was scanning the horizon. She slowly walked the wooden planks, not entirely sure what she was looking for. There were traders of all sorts, with many different boats. Her frigate was the biggest, and stood out, but she ignored the hushed whispers and jealous gazes boring into her back. As she walked further towards the path leading to the city, her eyes finally rested on a clue. Huddled in the corner of two low walls, was a girl. Her hair was tangled, her torn and scuffed clothing covered in blood. She was panting and pale, and her shoulder dangled useless at her side, as her other hand cradled it. She looked more than half-dead, and as the woman locked eyes, her stare was returned with a cold and angry bright green one.   
  
“I think I’ve been looking for you,” the woman crouched down, and the girl growled, trying to scramble up and away, but she wasn’t strong enough, and she was in too much pain. She snarled like a cornered animal. “It’s alright. You know me. Sort of. We have a mutual friend or two. My name is Isabela.”   
  


“Isabela?” the girl frowned, her voice was croaky, “Isabela…” a sudden realisation flashed in her eyes, “ _ Hawke’s _ Isabela?”   
  
“Eh. I suppose, if you want to put it that way. Estelle, right? Estelle Trevelyan?”   
  
Estelle nodded, “But...you, how...Kaida?!”   
  


Isabela very gently helped her up, “She got away, thanks to you, Lady Trevelyan.”

Estelle gave a sort of pained grunt as she stood. She stooped, holding her injured arm close, unsteady on her feet. She had no idea what was going on, or why a character from a story was suddenly standing in front of her,  but she was exhausted, and in pain, and she didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Leliana?” Estelle was fully expecting her to have finally gone with Kaida.   
  
“She’s ok. Well, she’s not, but she’s alive. Lucky we crossed paths. I’m to take you home the long way, act as a decoy. But first...I think we should piece you back together. Somehow I don’t think seeing you in this state will be very good for her.”

Estelle had to agree with that. She felt absolutely terrible for having put her friend in that position, after everything she had been through in the past. But she couldn’t bear the thought of watching her watch Kaida die. Nor could she bear to force her to make the choice between them, so she did what she always had. What needed to be done.

With slow progress, and a lot of patience and support from Isabela, and more than a few obvious stares and gaping mouths, Estelle was helped on to the biggest, best kept ship. She was hurried straight through to Isabela’s quarters so she could be seen to. She didn’t protest or argue when she was told to strip off her tattered coat and shirt, she was too tired, and she was glad to not have them sticking to her any more. She sat on a stool, staring at the wall as she let Isabela treat her wounds. She had a gash across her collarbone to her sternum as well as several other cuts and bruises. She was almost completely black and blue and had lost a dangerous amount of blood.

“Pardon me for saying...but how are you  _ still alive _ ?!”  
  
Estelle gave a dark chuckle,“Pure bloody mindedness.”   
  
“Now that’s something I can relate to. You ready?”   
  
“Just do it.”   
  
Estelle clamped a piece of rope between her teeth as Isabela took hold of her shoulder. In one swift, well-practiced movement, the woman forced the joint back into place. Estelle bit so hard on the rope her lips bled, and she blinked away tears. The pirate hesitated a moment, before removing the rope, and handing the younger party a glass of water.

“I think you’ll have to ease up on the dual-wielding for a few days. But I don’t think it’s broken, you lucky sod.”

Once she was cleaned and bandaged up, she agreed to let Isabela lend her a clean shirt and breeches. She was immensely frustrated when she couldn’t dress herself properly without a considerable amount of pain, and Isabela softened slightly as she helped her. A sling was made out of Josephine’s scarf, the one thing she’d managed to keep blood and dirt free, and she stared at her hopeless self in the mirror.

“Thank you, Isabela. It’s nice to see the character in person. Varric told me a lot about you.”   
  
“And you actually came with me?!”   
  
Estelle smiled slightly, “I was even more inclined to.”   
  
Isabela slung an arm around her neck, “You can always stay for a while, if you want.”   
  
The Trevelyan looked up, not flinching from Isabela’s gaze, and then smiled and shook her head, “Flattered as I am, there’s only one woman for me.” She gently stroked the scarf, “And I know there’s only one for you, really.” 

Isabela was slightly thrown, but then smiled in return, she had heard how intuitive Trevelyan was. What she didn’t expect however, was a gentle, friendly kiss on the cheek as Estelle stood up. Nor was she anticipating the good arm that was wrapped around her in a hug. She froze for a moment. She had certainly been starved for genuine affection for a while, but she hadn’t realised it was quite so obvious. Eventually, she relaxed into the embrace, and was grateful for it even. She felt a little sad when she was released, but at least she knew Estelle would be around for a while.   
  
“I suppose I better go and face the music…” Estelle headed toward the door, “Or perhaps the musician. Which is infinitely more terrifying. Thank you again, Admiral.”


End file.
